One day in August 2020
The day started around 5:30am, when I could no longer ignore my bursting bladder and defeatedly stumbled over a heap of man and dog legs, out of the bed, through the small caravan door and, balancing on a wobbly, worn-out wooden pallet, reached under our small home to grab my piss pot. The piss pot was a saucepan we’d once used to boil pasta, potatoes and maybe some buckwheat. I was naked (it was August and an unusually hot one. Although when you live on an island with regularly record-breaking weather, you stop paying attention. Everything was climate change these days anyway) and hoped that none of our four neighbours would spot me from across the small field. Back inside, I squatted. Ordinarily, the pot was the perfect size. It could hold just a bit more liquid than my bladder can before it starts demanding to be emptied IMMEDIATELY. But this day was different. I don’t know for sure if it overflowed or if I momentarily missed, but either way we ended up with a puddle of piss on the carpet. Never mind. I soaked it up with kitchen towels (my biggest non zero waste vice since living this “alternative” lifestyle. I don’t think I’d ever once bought kitchen towels when I lived in a flat) and plopped a tea towel on top to protect the man and dog’s feet. And then I crawled back into bed, determined to sleep until my alarm went off. Needless to say, this happened moments later, followed by the man’s alarm, followed by the second attempt of mine and so on until I was firmly out of bed and making tea at 6:15am. Anyway, what I was trying to say was it was an early start.
The man with legs drove me to the train station in plenty of time and I bought an extortionately priced ticket to London. It was the early morning commute, so lucrative for train companies because it’s a must for many, and I would never have allowed myself such an extravagance but I’d booked the van for 13:30, which should just about let us miss the traffic, even with 30 minutes loading time factored in. And anyway, the difference between this and a cheap off-peak ticket was the cost of a cheap Airbnb, which I would’ve had to pay if I’d come last night.
As I walked along the platform at my destination, I noticed something unusual. It was busy. There were more people around me, walking close to me, than there had been for months. Unlike before, they were wearing masks. But they didn’t seem scared to be near me, and there were enough of them to make distance less comfortably possible. IT WAS RUSHOUR! A very slim, lite, fat free and zero sugar version, but rush hour nonetheless. Rejoice!
I felt normal for the first time in so long. Everything was basically normal. I said this a lot in the weeks and months following lockdown. “Town was basically normal today on my way to work! None of the shops were open but PEOPLE WERE OUT!”
“Town was basically normal today! Everyone was wearing masks and queued to get in but SOME SHOPS WERE OPEN!”
“Everything is basically back to normal now! I got told off for walking into the bank without my mask and then shouted at for using the wrong entrance to go into the supermarket BUT…” And so on.
Anyway, everything did feel more normal. People had a purpose again and I was vibing hard off their buzz. London two months after lockdown is a wonderful kind of London. Not deserted but also far from bursting. Comfortably busy. Pleasantly bustling. It’s also an awful kind of London.
Homelessness has changed. Homelessness looks like the girl who poured a double skinny oat latte into your toxin-shedding, pseudo eco-friendly reusable cup every morning (I read something about bamboo cups releasing toxins when above 70C). It looks like the guy you walked past every day on your way to work, the one you stood next to on the tube. It’s the person you sometimes recognised in the queue at the little late night supermarket. You both liked humous.
London’s new homeless look fresh. Clean, fresh, and bewildered. What the fuck is happening? How can this be happening to them? What can I do? Do they want to talk to me, to be bothered? What will I do after they tell me their story? Where are the outreach services walking the streets, getting to know every new face on the pavement, making sure they are safe, fed, supported? I stand and stare and don’t know if I will do more harm or good by invading what’s left of their privacy.
The friendliness everyone has acquired during lockdown – maybe I’m confusing it with gratefulness to be amongst humans again – has already disappeared. The bus driver ignores me when I ask him if he is driving to Marble Arch. And I surprise myself by responding with “fucking Londoners!” as he shuts the doors in my face and drives off. Goodness, where did I get that from?
I forget to gawp at the big hotel on Park Lane or at stretches of Hyde Park, too involved with my phone. I look up just in time to notice that Lizzie is having some work done on one of her little houses by the brick wall topped with barbed wire that surrounds her palace. I live in a country with monarchy. It’s almost like we’re in Game of Thrones.
We stop on the bridge. For years I used to tell people that the view from the bridges was the reason I lived in London. And I still love it. But it’s cluttered. It’s so freaking cluttered and full of half finished construction that I don’t know where to look to find my London. Anyway, we carry on.
My friend with whom I’d arranged to meet at 10 so he can help me take things to recycling and charity shops and whatnot texts to say he’s 40 minutes early and I get there 10 minutes later than promised, already sweaty and irritable.
The first part of the big day goes fairly smoothly. We take a big load of stuff to the recycling bins in the car park of a large supermarket. The bins are already overflowing. We shove and squeeze my life in.
I realise that the woman from the storage place was talking about the thin fox I’d seen earlier “oh I know! It’s taking me all I have not to put water out for it!” PUT THE FUCKING WATER OUT FOR IT!!! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? IT’S BEEN DRY FOR DAYS, THE SUN IS SCORCHING, AND THE FOX IS ALIVE!!!!